The Walking Dead episode 211: Judge, Jury, and Executioner previews.

I have to say, season 2 part 2 of The Walking Dead has been moving along and much more interesting. Moving away from just having "the farm" as a set piece has done wonders and rekindled what made the first season so good. For those looking for all three sneak peeks of episode 211: Judge, Jury, and Executioner, look no further.

The Raven (2012). Let's talk about what the hell this movie is.

So most of us, especially anyone in the United States has read Edgar Allan Poe's, The Raven. Most may not understand what it's about, but you at least know about it. The poem has been animated into one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes in The Simpsons, and even Christopher Walken has audio of him reading it, which is a delight. To sum it up for those who haven't read it or remember it, The Raven tells of a talking raven's mysterious visit to a distraught man, who is slowly descending into madness after the loss of his lover, Lenore. Sitting on a bust of Pallas, the raven seems to further instigate his distress with its constant repetition of the word "nevermore" as his dementia sets in.

A little history on Poe and the poem, it first appeared in the New York Evening Mirror on January 29, 1845. Printed twice, it became immensely popular and made Edgar Allan Poe a household name and national celebrity. Readers began to identify poem with poet, earning Poe the nickname "The Raven". The poem was soon widely reprinted, imitated, and parodied. Though it made Poe popular in his day, it did not bring him significant financial success, as he later lamented, "I have made no money. I am as poor now as ever I was in my life – except in hope, which is by no means bankable".

Poor dude, he was poor forevermore.


Here, you can listen to Christopher Walken read the entire poem. It's quite awesome.

So as Hollywood is ought to do, unable to come up with an original idea, they have taken The Raven--a license-free and public domain idea--and as you would expect, bastardized it. I dare say, an even bigger bastardization than Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes movies.


Here's The Simpson's version, sadly I couldn't find the full animated version.

The upcoming movie entitled The Raven, is an American thriller film directed by James McTeigue, who directed V for Vendetta. It's going to star 2012 apocalypse survivor John Cusack (who has dipped his toe into horror before with the films, Identity and 1408), Alice Eve and Oliver Jackson-Cohen. It'll be released on April 27, 2012.


The Raven (2012) movie trailer in all its terrible glory

So, what's the story? Well, it has nothing to do with the poem that's for sure, or Edgar Allan Poe's life. I mentioned earlier Guy Ritchie turning Sherlock Holmes from a sophisticated sleuth into a slapstick comical action movie farce. Well, it seems McTeigue plans to do the same with writer Edgar Allan Poe.

The film's story plans to tell of the last days of Edgar Allan Poe's life, in which the author pursues a serial killer whose murders mirror those in Poe's stories, because the only way to stop the serial killer is to have the person who wrote the stories or something...

Poe teams up with a young Baltimore detective played by Emmett Fileds (Luke Evans) to hunt down the serial killer. As the attacks continue, it appears someone close to Poe may become the murderer's next victim, and raises the stakes higher yadda, yadda, yadda, dribble, dribble, blah.

It should come to no surprise that Hollywood likes to shit all over things, but this one really hurts. Considering, at least to me, that he is one of the forefathers of horror and very revered in my opinion. If you're going to do a "Poe" movie and modernize it, just take one of his existing stories, but no, I'm sure a bunch of people in suits thought that would be a "bad idea" or "boring" and this fictional take, which sports Cusack as Poe running around with a pistol, as a good idea.

The actual Poe claimed to have written the poem very logically and methodically, intending to create a poem that would appeal to both critical and popular tastes, somehow I doubt this movie will appease to either. If the movie turns out good, I'll eat crow, or rather, raven.

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead. Another bizarre zombie movie, this time from Japan!

What the hell is this... I'm not too sure. I don't even know where to start. The tagline is "We are going to flush you!" So, there is that. I mean, zombies back up into you with their ass? Is this a movie with a lot of fecal matter? Does it have a lot of Japanese school girl porn? There's a Human Centipede-like moment where a two people are impaled with a giant bamboo stick through the anus to the mouth. What the...?

TLM Podcast "Spirit of Vengeance" is up!

Newest podcast is up as we have a divided debate on the quality of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. We also, talk about some of our own toughest women in horror movies/sci-fi and Bobby rips apart Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. Chrissie also mentions some of the weird words put into Google that land people on our site. There are some weirdos out there, for sure. It's fun for the whole family!

Listen via Itunes here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/texas-lipstick-massacre/id497801381

Listen via MP3 here: http://saltandpink.com/podcast/TLM%202-19-2012%20Ghostrider:%20Spirit%20of%20Vengeance.mp3

Nick Cage, stealing souls and freaking out.

Blech, this sucked... no pun intended. 

Toughest women cards, by Bobby.

Zombibi, the greatest movie of 2012? I think so.

Ever wonder why people don't make more Shaun of the Dead style films? I know I wonder this often. Well, it looks like the Dutch have heard our cries with Zombibi, and trust me, I'm going to do whatever I can to get a copy of this movie with subtitles ASAP.

Holy crap, does that look amazing or what? The film was just released on February 16, 2012 in Belgium. God, I need to see it.

I Am Legend 2? Say What?

Well, rumor has it that Will Smith and Warner Bros. are moving ahead with an I Am Legend 2. It also looks like it may be a sequel and might still have Will Smith in it... I have no idea how that's going to work. Considering that the movie, released in 2007, has made over $600 million worldwide, I'm sure the producers are drooling with anticipation to cobble together another zombie-vampire apocalypse with The Fresh Prince.

Akiva Goldsman, who won an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind, and was the original co-writer/producer of the first Legend film, is said to be on board for its sequel. My question is how? The original book has such a finite ending (that the film didn't follow at all) and the reworked ending for the 2007 film has *spoiler!!!!* Will Smith die, that I have no idea what they are planning on doing unless Big Will comes back as a zombie, or indeed he survives the huge grenade blast, which c'mon; that'd be preposterous.

Rumor has it however, it may also be a possible prequel. That makes more sense, at least in terms of having Will Smith back. From this interview, this is what Will Smith had to say about it:

"Will Smith: We have a fantastic prequel idea…we’re still trying to work through a couple of bumps in the story. It’s essentially the fall of the last city – the last stand of Manhattan. The movie would be…within the body of the movie D.C. and then Manhattan would fall as the last city. It’s a really cool idea trying to figure it out…there’s a reason why we have to take a small band and we have to get into D.C. So we have to make our way from New York to D.C. and then back to New York.

Collider: Will the dog be back in it?

Will Smith: Yes, the dog will be a puppy."

Okay, I'm sold on an I Am Legend 2. I'll buy my ticket right now. 

So there is that. I guess it could work... I mean I've heard and seen worse, but part of what made the first movie "kind of" work (despite basically shitting all over Richard Matheson's original tale), is that there was danger present at all times. You never really knew if the dog or Will Smith was going to survive. If the movie is a prequel... well you don't have to worry about them surviving at least for that film.

I would much rather prefer to see Will Smith as a zombie of some type in a sequel. That's a role he's yet to do. Welcome to urff.

Okay, either this or the puppy and Warner Bros. will have a hit on its hands. 

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance Review

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, isn't a horror movie. We know that. We bent the rules however, because there wasn't a lot  coming out to review and it has to do with a demon from hell, so that's kind of horror related, right?

And I'll be honest, I had some high hopes for this movie. I'm one of those people who root for Nicholas Cage, I really do. I know the man is terrible with his money and has to take really shitty roles to make ends meet, but I also know he's a hardcore comic book fan, and I always feel that he is getting to live his dream playing as Ghost Rider. 

Which hurts my heart to say, but I'm just going to come out and say it--the following Youtube clip I'm about to post is more entertaining to me that the entirety of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.  Go on, watch. Tell me that you don't smile, laugh, and then replay it.